Conviction and me

When I was a kid, I had a conviction and I still
have the same conviction. The surprising
thing is that in these odd years, I didn't experience
much success so that the believe would be stronger.
Funny thing is that, being in academics, I always failed
to get someone I could follow or get the direct interaction-inspiration.
More often such so called heroes in our life rejected me in there
own ways. Unlike Hindi movie I never wanted to prove them
wrong, instead I went down in deep depression but the conviction
never dies. I wonder why? I searched in myself and found an answer
that was there known to me but now more strongly.
Actually the heroes in my case are no longer any scientist or academician
or friend of mine. Its a game which is more than life to me
its cricket and the persons who make it larger than life. Secondly
I found some realistic actor and film maker of independent cinema.
Hearing the news of Yuvi's cancer I was shocked and went to pray
for him as if he can't win this match then I also can't. The conviction
actually is going parallel to these people whom I never met
and interact and probably will never. Ironically I never had a chance
to watch a single match live in a ground. But I sometimes feel like
Ekalabya of Mahabharata.   When I see the interviews of Anurag,
Vikram, kalki, Ranbir, Abhay, I feel the same conviction still alive
in me. I feel alone, no body to share what is my conviction as I lost
all my friends in course of life. Apparently the conviction became also
alone, very lonely. I got more attached to the characters I never met. The conviction still goes on  alive.