jindegi

जिन्दगी पहली स्वशसे शुरू होती है,
और आखरी स्वाशपे ख़तम.
न आगे कुछ था ना बदमि कुछ है.

सच कंहुतो में चिसोंको दुरसेही देखना पसंद करता हूँ,
जंहासे चिसको मिलते हुए नजर आतें हैं.

दूरसे जमीन और असमान मिलते हुए नज़र
पर हकीकत कुछ और होती है. 

Conviction and me

When I was a kid, I had a conviction and I still
have the same conviction. The surprising
thing is that in these odd years, I didn't experience
much success so that the believe would be stronger.
Funny thing is that, being in academics, I always failed
to get someone I could follow or get the direct interaction-inspiration.
More often such so called heroes in our life rejected me in there
own ways. Unlike Hindi movie I never wanted to prove them
wrong, instead I went down in deep depression but the conviction
never dies. I wonder why? I searched in myself and found an answer
that was there known to me but now more strongly.
Actually the heroes in my case are no longer any scientist or academician
or friend of mine. Its a game which is more than life to me
its cricket and the persons who make it larger than life. Secondly
I found some realistic actor and film maker of independent cinema.
Hearing the news of Yuvi's cancer I was shocked and went to pray
for him as if he can't win this match then I also can't. The conviction
actually is going parallel to these people whom I never met
and interact and probably will never. Ironically I never had a chance
to watch a single match live in a ground. But I sometimes feel like
Ekalabya of Mahabharata.   When I see the interviews of Anurag,
Vikram, kalki, Ranbir, Abhay, I feel the same conviction still alive
in me. I feel alone, no body to share what is my conviction as I lost
all my friends in course of life. Apparently the conviction became also
alone, very lonely. I got more attached to the characters I never met. The conviction still goes on  alive.

Perfectionist होना कोई गुनाह नहीं है.

अपनी दिलकी सुननाभी गुनाह नहीं है.

एक हद तक किसीको नुकसान ना पहुचाके पागल होनाभी गुनाह नहीं है. 

league से हटके चल्नाभी गुनाह नहीं है.

Sorry

The day I wake up, wake up from bed, from the memory,
from all of my past-self; I will be free.
Someday I will be free from this body also, may be I will
get a voice to tell me story to none. The supersonic
waves will record my story. I felt sorry down the line in
my life, I hurt people asking them to be by my side.
I never thought that I was that much selfish. All I did
for them was due to an expectation of acknowledgement.
Was I fool or was not ready to accept that I was selfish.
Today when I realise that wanted to say all of them
that you are all set free my expectation. During the years
all that baggage that I was carrying or rather trying to  impose
on them are free from now. The day I realise and felt truly
sorry. You remember in ZMND, Imraan told his bio-logical
father not to say sorry if he does not feel so from his heart.
So this time I truly felt that and so I am saying 'sorry' to
all of whom I wanted in my life for myself.