Marrige

Two days back I heard of divorce of one my friend. I was very upset as I am also
going down with my life for few months. I was speechless and didn't know what to do and why this all are happening.  I go to a temple every Sunday, as this is only the human and  spiritual connection I need for the nest week. Today I was ill
could not sleep yesterday night because of bad stomach. I still decided to go having
a cup of tea and three slices of bread for my lunch and breakfast, I started with my cycle. I get down at Noksapeyon, where the temple is via subway.  Today, something happened in that temple that I never witnessed before. One Nepali boy and one girl got married in that temple. Kamala mata, organised their wedding
which lasted for 3 mins. Onely some sloka from Geeta by a Brazilian devotee
and sindur. They came with some of their Nepali friends. But none of their parents were there. I was surprised to see a weeding which just happened with out any glorified festival and ceremony. But, by inner-self was very anxious to know the
real life time of this weeding. I pray though this marriage was  so simple and without there parents should not be like my friends one. Often I ask a question
do we have control over things! Even with science! I don't know.

हम अपनी हदोसे बद्कड़ हैं . हम अपने डर ज्यादा बहादुर हैं . अगर हम एक दुसरे के दुख भान्त सकें. from SRK.

ekta katha

"কাঁচের জানালা ভাঙলো, সে কাঁচ না হয় বদলানো গেলো, কিন্তু যদি কারও মন ভাঙে, সে আর জোরে না। শত্রু না হলেও সে আর তোমার বন্ধু কোন দিন থাকবে না। তাতে শেষ ক্ষতিটা তোমারই।"

hum Kis gali jaa rahein hain

was listening the song
"hum kis gali jaa rahein hain
apna koi thikana nahin.."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsbiWi3X6wk&feature=related
Nowadays I also count it day by day.
Thinking or knowing nothing abt tomorrow.
this dreamless journey is the most painful part
of my life so far. I speak to me
or avoid mysefl day by day hoping one day it will
stop.. God only knows the answer. ..all the songs
have different meaning now except a funny thing
watching tendulkar or reading his interview.
It seems I lost it completely. I lost everybody surrounding
me. It wasn't my choice I never had a choice :D
I haven't put my photos for months not feeling
the same.

beetein Lamhein

Death, I never thought I wish death so much...
I don't know for last few months it has been a
thought which is endless...
I never thought losing all my dreams one day..
I tried but only tried. I lost too many down the line..
I am not a mood to further continue in this journey..

"daard me bhi yeeh lamhe mushkura jaate hain..
beete lamhe mujhe yaad aantei haain.."

I often ask myself why it has been so painful?
I am fed up of acting in this life. I wanted to shout
in the open sky and run with endless dream and dream
... often see tendulkar saying living dream ..
I used to relish that but all fell into a wrong note
when and how don't know..
I changed my lingo from from by school to that place ..
I used to enjoy every bit of my life..
I never thought I would be lifeless and still living ..
Oh GOD now I believe you and so I pray for my
journey to come to and end soon. I can not bear it
anymore..
Sometime I cry but no tear comes out, I feel like
it has all been dried up...
I haven't  laugh for year ... may be I have done with
it..

"aaj bhi oh manjar najar aantei hain
dil ki birani ko mita jatein hain.."

A rainy day in Seoul

"bhalobeshe sakhi nrivrite jatone amar naamti likho
tomar monero mandire..."
Just listening this song, one of the Rabnidrasangeet.
Its raining for last two days here in Seoul.
But Today I am liking it most. I can remmeber
the poetry by dwijendralal "dhanodhanye pushpe bhara amader ei bansundhara"
I wish I could go back to my school days and enjoy the day with abhik, dibyendu..
and other forgotten-mates :)

Going back to basics...

Long time back I heard that Feynman once mentioned that

when you are with lack of ideas you should go back and teach.

Teaching basics can bloom some new ideas. There are some

friends at HRI who do not buy this concept as they want to 

concentrate on research and think that teaching could kill

 their times. Perhaps this is true for them who does something

 like string theory which deals with so many basic mathematical

 techniques. But for the poor fellow like me who deals with

 what is known a "phenomenology"; sounds like a joke as the

 meaning of this should have been the ideology which can

 explain the phenomena but what we do here is, create our own

 phenomena (by our own model) and try to have some signature

 for which colliders  will be ready (God knows when!!). In the

 process we are in avalanche breakdown of the learning 

process. We stop thinking of basic phenomena and explaining them.

I was thinking of what is the way to be back in the main stream

 of thinking process. Publishing more and more papers and 

more and more collaboration will pile up you own mind. In 

this juncture of career staying out side the country with out

having any discussion with people it is very difficult to search

 for something new. Then suddenly my mind stuck on

something; "Thermodynamics" which was the favourite 

subject during my undergrad. But I never applied this to my 

research. Simply there are many such areas which you loved

 to study and see. The most powerful idea of resuming your 

dream or rethink is to go and teach these basics. I am sure

 you can do that can see a lot more and explain much more.  

Idea just doesn't come by  sitting in your desktop and doing

 simulations for just another model. I pray for the opportunity

 to go to my basics and feel very very thirsty to be able to 

apply these which can be a real contribution.

KIAS, Seoul

Today is 7th February almost 16 days over I came here in Seoul, South Korea.

I haven't spoken to my mother for these days. Today I'm also sitting in the skype
but God knows if can succeed today or not. I am here in KIAS for a Post doctoral job.

People here are very friendly in spite of the fact that most of them can't speak English. Last Sunday we went to the near by Nepali restaurant called "New Delhi".
I had chicken biriyani there. I liked it and perhaps this is the only Indian or Nepali restaurant near by KIAS.

Earlier I had a plan to roam around the place but still couldn't make. Hope I would

get someone who is also interested in exploring this land. In size its perhaps smaller the MP of India but they dig it far and far to make a concrete city name Seoul. I stay in the 4th floor of the Dorm, Pajung but the kitchen is at 7th floor. If you get there then you can see the concrete city which looks very beautiful at night. I am waiting for camera stand to have some photos of scenery.